After a Funeral

A memorial serves as a lasting tribute to honor and cherish the memory of a departed loved one. It stands as a tangible symbol of their life, offering solace and reflection for friends and family.

To assist you in selecting the ideal memorial for your loved one, we've compiled a concise guide on the various options available.

Types of Memorials:

- Headstone, Grave Marker, or Gravestone

- Engraved Memorial Bench

- Memorial Tree

- Online Memorials

- Memorial Wall Plaque

Alternatively, if you seek inspiration for commemorating your loved one's ashes, our guide "What to Do with the Ashes of a Loved One" offers valuable insights.

Distinguishing Between a Headstone and a Marker:

A headstone stands upright, marking the burial site, often featuring personal details such as name, birth and death dates, and a meaningful quote. In contrast, a marker is a flat plaque typically placed atop a stone base, visible only from above, offering a more discreet option for certain cemetery or churchyard settings.

Choosing the Best Headstone Material:

Various materials are available for headstones, each with its own appeal and suitability. Common materials in the UK include granite, marble, limestone, sandstone, and slate. However, it's essential to consider the regulations of the chosen churchyard or cemetery regarding permitted materials.

Optimal Longevity of Headstone Materials:

For those prioritizing durability, granite and marble are recommended choices. While marble exudes elegance, granite is renowned for its resilience and longevity.

Guidelines for Epitaphs:

Crafting an epitaph requires careful consideration, as it is a personalized reflection of the departed individual. Keep it concise, respectful, and timeless, ensuring it accurately represents the essence of your loved one.

Cost Considerations for Headstones:

Headstone prices vary based on material and customization. Slate tends to be pricier, while granite offers a more economical option. Consultation with a funeral director can provide specific pricing details.

Timing for Headstone Placement:

Generally, a waiting period of approximately six months following a burial service allows the ground to settle before installing a headstone. Cremation memorials may have different timelines, depending on the cemetery regulations.

For further assistance or advice, do not hesitate to reach out to your local funeral director, who can guide you through the available options with compassion and expertise.

Once your loved one has been cremated, you'll receive their ashes. For many, scattering these ashes is a way to honor and remember them. Alternatively, some opt to transform the ashes into keepsakes, such as lockets, to keep them close forever. Regardless of your choice, our guide offers inspiration and advice.

Where to Scatter Ashes:

Choosing where to scatter ashes is deeply personal and often ceremonial. Many find significance in selecting a place that held meaning for their loved one. Popular options include memorial gardens, family gravesites, or locations with cherished memories, like the sea or beach.

While this decision is personal, it's essential to be aware of regulations. Sometimes, you'll need permission to scatter ashes in your chosen location.

Regulations in the UK:

In the UK, there are no laws prohibiting scattering ashes in specific places, but it's advisable to seek permission from the landowner. If scattering over land you own, in a memorial garden, or in water, permission isn't necessary.

However, for scattering at sea or in rivers/lakes, consulting the environmental agency is recommended. They'll provide information on specific locations and any regulations.

Scattering Ashes at Sea or in Water:

In certain faiths, scattering ashes in flowing water is part of mourning rituals. Environmental regulations must be considered, such as avoiding areas near marinas or fisheries and ensuring the site is at least 1km upstream from reservoirs or water plants. Choosing a calm day is advisable to prevent ashes from dispersing unintentionally.

Scattering Ashes on Private Land:

Scattering ashes on private land can offer a sense of closeness for family and friends. Whether your own property or another's, permission is required.

Scattering Ashes on Public Land:

While common land is accessible, scattering ashes requires permission from the local council. Popular spots like village greens or public parks may not permit scattering without approval.

Scattering Ashes on National Trust Land:

National Trust properties, significant to many in the UK, are increasingly chosen for scattering ashes. Permission from the landowner, typically facilitated through the National Trust, is necessary.

Scattering Ashes in a Cemetery:

While a cemetery may seem fitting, ensure you have exclusive burial rights for the grave. If expired, consider renewing or opting for a nearby garden of remembrance, with permission from the crematorium.

Increasingly, individuals are opting for a "celebration of life" in lieu of a traditional funeral. If you're considering arranging such an event for a cherished one, here's a comprehensive guide to assist you.

What does a celebration of life entail?

A celebration of life serves as an opportunity for relatives and friends to honor a recently departed loved one. It provides a platform for bidding farewell while commemorating the individual's legacy in a distinctly personal manner.

What is a celebration of life memorial service?

It represents a spirited departure from the conventional funeral. Rather than dwelling on the sorrow of parting, it focuses on commemorating the life of the departed. Attendees are often encouraged to share uplifting memories of their departed friend or family member. Similar to any funeral, it can serve as a significant step in the grieving process for many.

How to commemorate the life of a loved one:

A celebration of life may be integrated into a non-religious funeral, encompassing a service and committal. Alternatively, it can be a distinct memorial held on a separate day from the funeral, perhaps in the days or weeks following. Planning such a service parallels organizing a traditional funeral in many respects. Here are some considerations:

Attire: While black traditionally signifies mourning, attendees might opt for vibrant colors or the favorite color of the departed.

Transport: Instead of a conventional hearse, consider arranging a unique mode of transport for the coffin, such as a VW campervan or a horse-drawn carriage.

Coffin: Coffins are available in a variety of colors and designs. Select one that mirrors the personality of your loved one.

Timing and Venue: Feel free to choose a time and day that best suits you and your guests, such as a weekend or evening service. The venue need not be limited to a church or crematorium.

Music and Readings: Incorporate uplifting music and readings into the service.

Memory Board or Table: Provide guests with the opportunity to write personal messages or bring photos or items representing the departed.

Unique celebration of life ideas:

1. Plant a memorial tree

2. Host a campfire gathering

3. Create a quote board

4. Arrange an open mic or karaoke night

5. Attend a painting or pottery class together

6. Host a BBQ or dinner party

7. Enjoy live music

Who officiates a celebration of life service?

Whether religious or secular, you'll require an officiant—such as a celebrant or close family member—to lead and coordinate the service. Consult your chosen funeral home or director for assistance in organizing someone to oversee the proceedings.

What to include in a celebration of life invitation?

Although not obligatory, some opt to send out invitations for their loved one's celebration of life service. Alternatively, a social media post can convey the necessary details: time, location, dress code, any specific requests, etc.

What to say at a celebration of life service?

Similar to a traditional funeral, multiple speakers—typically close friends and family members—may deliver eulogies, readings, or poems. Some families allocate a segment of the service for guests to share memories or anecdotes about the departed.

What attire is appropriate for a celebration of life event?

This depends on the preferences of the family or organizer. If they suggest an alternative to black attire—such as bright colors or sparkly garments—they will usually specify in the invitation. Otherwise, modest, funeral-appropriate attire is customary.

Should you bring anything to a celebration of life?

Unless indicated otherwise in the invitation, there's typically no expectation to bring anything. However, a card or flowers sent to the grieving family's home can be a thoughtful gesture, though not universally appropriate across all religions. Some families may request donations to a specific charity in lieu of flowers or gifts.

How to create a celebration of life video?

Invite friends and family to share their cherished stories and memories of your loved one. The video doesn't need to be elaborate—something simple that does justice to their memory suffices.

If you're in the midst of arranging a funeral wake for a cherished one, you likely have a myriad of inquiries swirling in your mind. Here, we've addressed some of the commonly asked questions in our comprehensive guide.

**What Constitutes a Wake?**

A wake, also dubbed a funeral reception, is an occasion where the closest friends and family of the departed gather to pay homage to their loved one. Traditionally, a wake denoted the viewing held before the funeral; however, nowadays, it typically occurs after the funeral or memorial service.

**Distinguishing Between a Wake and a Funeral**

A funeral carries a more formal tone compared to a wake, usually led by a funeral celebrant or religious leader. It adheres to a structured order of service, often guided by religious customs. Conversely, a wake is more relaxed, centered on the gathering of mourners to reminisce and honor the life of the deceased.

**What Transpires at a Funeral Wake?**

During a wake, family and friends exchange memories of the departed and commonly celebrate their life. Some bereaved families opt to organize activities for attendees, such as planting a memorial tree. It's an inclusive event, welcoming mourners who may have missed the funeral service, including young children. Refreshments are often served.

**Etiquette at a Funeral Wake**

Attending a wake presents an opportunity to connect with other mourners and share cherished memories of the departed.

**Items to Bring**

Unless specifically requested by the bereaved family, bringing yourself suffices. Some may choose to bring a food dish if catering isn't provided, while others opt for a sympathy card.

**Appropriate Attire**

As the wake usually follows the funeral, attendees typically remain in the attire worn to the service. For detailed guidance on funeral attire, refer to our guide.

**Necessity of a Wake After a Funeral**

The decision to hold a wake rests on the preferences of the departed and their surviving relatives. Many opt for a wake as it offers a less formal setting for mourners to gather.

**Attending Both the Wake and Funeral**

While attending both is a sign of respect, it's not obligatory. If unable to attend the wake, informing the grieving family beforehand, preferably via a phone call or message, is courteous.

**Duration of a Wake**

Wakes typically last a few hours, though attendees aren't obligated to stay for the entire duration.

**Organizing a Funeral Wake**

If tasked with arranging a wake, consider factors such as guest list, venue, refreshments, and potential entertainment options. Tailoring the wake to reflect the departed's personality can offer solace to mourners.

**Unique Ideas for a Funeral Wake**

- Planting a memorial tree

- Encouraging attendees to wear a specific color

- Creating entries in a memory book

- Hosting a slideshow featuring pictures and videos of the departed

For additional ideas, refer to our guide on celebration of life ideas.

**Cost of a Funeral Wake**

The cost varies depending on budget and venue selection. Consult your local funeral director for detailed information.

Following a cremation, the return of your loved one's ashes prompts the decision of what to do with them. Some opt for traditional routes, like scattering them in meaningful places or planting them with a tree. Others seek more distinctive ways, such as sending them to space or incorporating them into a memorial tattoo. If you're seeking ideas for honoring ashes post-cremation, here are some suggestions:

1. **Craft Jewelry Keepsakes**: Keep your loved one close with custom-crafted jewelry containing their ashes or hair. From rings to earrings, each piece becomes a unique memorial of your friend, family member, or partner.

2. **Transform into Diamonds**: Commemorate your loved one's life by creating a diamond as unique as they were, personalized with their ashes or hair.

3. **Vinyl Record**: For music enthusiasts, incorporate a small amount of ashes into a playable vinyl record, selecting the song and customizing the cover for a personalized tribute.

4. **Memorial Tattoos**: Capture memories with a tattoo featuring dates, lyrics, quotes, or images. Some artists can integrate a portion of the ashes into the ink, ensuring a lasting connection.

5. **Plant a Tree**: Symbolize remembrance by planting a tree using biodegradable urns containing cremated remains, fostering growth as part of the environment.

6. **Memorial Firework Display**: Celebrate a loved one's life with a firework tribute, incorporating ashes into a self-fired display or professional showcase.

7. **Sea Burial**: Honor ocean lovers with a scattering at sea, or embrace Viking tradition by launching ashes from a longboat urn.

8. **Glass Sculptures**: Create dramatic art memorials with cremation ashes scattered throughout, capturing iridescent beauty in handmade glass sculptures.

9. **Space Burial**: Opt for an otherworldly experience with a space burial service, launching ashes to the edge of space for a breathtaking final journey.

10. **Cuddly Toy Keepsakes**: Provide comfort to young ones with memorial bears storing ashes or memorable keepsakes within handcrafted teddy bear urns.

11. **Personalised Urns**: Commission a bespoke urn incorporating personal themes, photos, or messages, creating a unique tribute for your family to cherish.

Each option offers a meaningful way to honour the memory of your loved one, providing comfort and connection in the midst of loss.

Crafting the inscription for a headstone is a poignant endeavor, requiring thoughtfulness and care. Here's a guide to assist you in composing meaningful words to honor your loved one and navigating the engraving process:

Take Your Time:

Allow yourself the space to contemplate and discuss with loved ones. The decision shouldn't be rushed, as headstones are often installed months after the funeral. Take the time to ensure the wording resonates deeply with you and your family.

Less is More:

Opt for simplicity; concise expressions often carry profound meaning. Focus on capturing the essence of your loved one in a few heartfelt words. Remember, space constraints on the headstone may necessitate brevity.

Make it Timeless:

Choose words that transcend time, ensuring they remain poignant with each visit. Your inscription should endure as a timeless tribute to your loved one's memory, cherished for years to come.

Consider the Voice:

Reflect on the preferred tone of your loved one or consider speaking from your own heart. Whether it's their voice, yours, or that of a close friend, let the tone resonate authentically.

Types of Engraving:

Explore various approaches, drawing inspiration from simple epitaphs, biblical verses, poetry, or even favorite song lyrics. Select words that encapsulate the essence of your loved one's life and spirit.

Principal Details:

Ensure the inscription includes essential information like their name, dates of birth and death, and perhaps their significant roles or relationships. These details anchor the tribute with personal significance.

Seek Guidance:

Don't hesitate to seek advice from your local funeral director or funeral services specializing in headstone memorials. They can offer valuable insights, including any site-specific restrictions and guidance on message length.

Remember, the inscription on a headstone is a lasting testament to your loved one's life. By carefully considering your words and seeking guidance when needed, you can create a touching tribute that honors their memory with dignity and grace.